Falling Apart

As the days go by the empty feeling of doom takes over.  The fear of what I know will happen becomes a reality.  Being in chronic pain can cause emotional pain to the point of wanting to end it all. Wanting to be done.  I continue to push on even though most of me wants to give up. Here is something I wrote when I felt like I was losing it, both mentally and emotionally. I will post some more of my writings as time goes by.

Falling Apart:

It tears me up inside to the point I feel sick.  The hopeless feeling of needing something more but no ability to find it.  Of wanting so much to be different but not able to change anything.  Of life continuously falling apart.  I do my best to hide everything.  Every tear.  Every frown.  I hide from the world the insecurities and embarrassment.  The scared girl wanting to be free of the hurt and pain of life.  Of the non-ending feeling of being completely out of control.  The one thing that is needed to feel like one can live and not even being able to grasp onto it. So that all that is left is a scared little girl that tries to hide the pain. Hide the hurt. Hide everything from so many people. Try to hide it from myself.  But all it does is tear me up to the point I feel sick.

  

~Rach

April 5, 2011